How to Fix your Toxic Traits?

“Am I being toxic to others?” is a question we all need to ask ourselves in almost every situation. We may be emotionally detrimental to others without giving a second thought to our actions. Be it by trying to achieve success, accomplish goals, during hard times or any other time. How to Fix being Toxic?

We always blame others for being toxic, but we forget that we too can be toxic without noticing or meaning it. Sometimes we roam around with traits that are unhealthy, not only for us but also for the people around us, without even realizing it. We must check for any toxic traits inside us that might be hurting the people around us and work on them. 

Having toxic traits does not mean you have to label yourself as a toxic person. Traits come and go and they don’t always surface. You can work on controlling them and eventually overcome them.

There are some tips you can use to overcome toxicity and bring positive change to yourself and your society.

Traits of Toxicity

This is just a brief overview of the toxic traits and habits, so we can see what we need to change and work on.

Being manipulative  

Suppose you show others that you are genuinely interested in their company and want to know them. Eventually, you will use the knowledge that you gained to get what you want.

Verbal abuse 

Verbal abuse, including insults, bullying, and sarcasm, are the most direct ways for poisonous people to hurt others and make them feel bad about themselves.

Being judgmental

Everyone can be judgmental at times. But when judging becomes a habit, it becomes toxic. Judgmental people look at things from their perspective and make conclusions without seeing the reality or severity of the situation.

Logical reasoning, rationality, and the urge to accept others are missing in their world. They criticize anything others do and don’t have any consideration for anyone’s feelings.

Having a negative and skeptical attitude 

These people see everything through a negative lens and miss out on all the good in life. They will always find something wrong with everything and doubt others’ intentions no matter how genuine they might be. 

Being a know-it-all.

Toxic people think they know it all and they are always right. Because of their “know-it-all” attitude, there is little or no room for opposing their views or arguing with them. 

Self-centered

Toxic people mostly worry about themselves and do not care about how their actions affect others. A self-centered person is focused on achieving their desires and is not likely to compromise or consider another person’s point of view.

Being bossy

One of the most dangerous traits of a toxic person is having a controlling attitude. They are control freaks who always make sure to tell you what to do and what not to do. They boss people around and want to have everything according to their wishes, including relationships, chores, and all situations.

Anger issues

When you are around someone with anger issues, you will feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells. Any minor thing can trigger them into a rage, and often make them say hurtful things in this state of mind.

Jealousy 

Jealous people cannot see others happy. They will always find ways to “rain down on your parade” or diminish your achievements.

Tips to Overcome Toxicity

These tips will help you change your toxic behavior, if you have any:

Detoxify your mind

You need to detoxify your mind first to be able to detoxify your behavior. 

• Write your heart out first; your journal can be your best friend to keep your secrets and declutter your mind. 
• Try to figure out the root causes of what is bothering you and causing this toxicity in your mind. 
• Create a pleasant environment around you by planning events that make you happy, meeting friends, and making connections. 

Author Marsha Petrie Sue wrote in her book “Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons, Or Duct Tape,” that people who are connected are more emotionally flexible. Just knowing that you have support makes life easier to cope with.

• Reading good books keeps your mind healthy. 
• When you think you can’t clear your mind on your own, seek help from a therapist. 
• Sometimes you can’t change without some structural guidance and support which a therapist will provide.

Don’t compare your life with others

• Never compare your life with others, be content with what you have. 
• Learn to celebrate small things and blessings, and don’t focus on the items you don’t have. 
• Comparisons with others will make you jealous of their pleasures while ignoring your own, often leading to toxicity.

Take criticism constructively

• You must differentiate between criticisms, whether they are just leg pulling or actually constructive. 
• It takes courage and bravery to hear things about yourself that do not paint you in the best light.
• Don’t become defensive or backlash at the person giving you criticism. Instead, take a deep breath and give it a thought. 
• This cooling time allows you to wonder if you really have this toxic trait. If you realize that you have a toxic characteristic. Congratulations! You have come out of denial. This is the first successful step towards change.

Stop being controlling

• Stop trying to control the things around you.
• Don’t try to fit people in boxes you like. “Control is an illusion” You can’t control anyone. All your control is only over yourself, your reactions, and your behavior patterns. 
• You can’t control anything by bossing people around, you will only hurt them and eventually lose them.
•  Try to understand the reasons and triggers that make you a controlling person. Are you a perfectionist? Or is it insecurity?
•  Work on your core issues, accept differences and let people be what they are.

Be a good listener and most importantly, be kind

• Everyone around you is going through something, be a good listener and be kind to them. 
• Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask people around you what’s bothering them. Let them vent out their fears, frustrations, and grievances. Listening to others will help you to be less judgmental. You will realize that there is always another side to the story.
• Be gentle with others, avoid asking questions that hurt them, and make them feel good about themselves when they are at their lowest. 

Conclusion on How to Fix being Toxic

You must ask yourself “am I being toxic?” in order to realize it and work towards fixing it.
Having a toxic trait does not mean you’re a bad person, do not indulge in self-loathing. Instead, try to be the best version of yourself.

Knowing your flaws and coming out of denial is a celebration that you have recognized your weaknesses and are ready to change for the better. Give yourself grace in this healing and transformational step.

I hope this gives you some insight into how to be a better person than you were yesterday.
Small steps lead you to the most remarkable accomplishments. And patience is the key. It’s not an easy process, but the results are worth it!

Authored by Afsheen Khan

Edited by Yara Fakhoury

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